Your sifu just taught you secret techniques on how to use nunchakus just like Bruce Lee in “Enter The Dragon.” You still haven’t got the hang of it though because every time you quickly flip the nunchaku from one armpit to the other in a quick cool crisscross movement, you somehow always wind up hitting yourself in the “ding-a-ling”. “Yeow!”
That’s okay because next month, your going to learn how to use the Hanwei Dao sword. Stop! Just stop! I can’t take it anymore!! Have you ever given it a second thought that you will NEVER used these weapons in real modern-day society? One, they are illegal. Two, they are extremely difficult to master. Three, you are not going to carry them around without looking like some paranoid weirdo.
Here are the 3 most popular and totally useless ancient kung fu weapons:
Useless Ancient Weapon #1 – Nunchakus – Nunchakus are so hard to master that it would take hours a day to handle them in a way so that you would not end up bopping yourself in the head. In the street, your opponent would not have to do very much, he could just stand there and watch you to knock yourself repeatedly in the head and the groin until you got tired.
Solution: Modern-Day Weapon Substitute #1 – Sticks And Stones. You are looking for everyday objects that you can use to strike with. Rocks. Bricks. And sticks. In fact, any object you can pick up can become a weapon.
Useless Ancient Weapon #2 – Oriental Swords – I feel silly even having to explain this one for you. Anyway, just imagine the noise your sword would make as it would scrape against the hard wood floor of the post office as you walk in line to buy a stamp.
Solution: Modern-Day Weapon Substitute #2 – A Metal Ball Point Pen Or Car Keys – A fine gold Cross pen (about $30) which is one of the sturdiest metal pens made, can easily serve the same purpose without getting you arrested for carrying a concealed weapon. Car keys could serve the same purpose. The trick lies in how you hold these objects and how you would strike with them were your life in danger. If your life or safety is being threatened as in the case of a would-be rapist who tries to grab you, assuming you are a woman, you could hold either the Cross pen or a long car key between your index finger and your thumb, the same way that you would hold a key to open a door, and make a quick and unexpected jabbing motion to the assailant’s eyes or throat. (Keep in mind, that this type of self defense maneuver should be reserved only in a clear cut life or death survival situation.) You don’t want to go around stabbing the little old lady in the throat at your local supermarket who cuts in front of you in line, who brings 20 items to her shopping cart when the express lane clearly says “7 Items or Less”. When you say weapon, by the very nature of the word we are talking about very serious business. Using a weapon is not to be taken lightly.
Useless Ancient Weapon #3 – Bo Staff – The most popular type of bo staff is called the rokushaku, which a long wooden stick which measures six feet in length. Six feet in length! How are you going to get that thing into a taxi?
Solution – Modern-Day Weapon Substitute #3 – Reduce the length to about 12 inches. A most powerful weapon, when used properly is a tightly rolled up magazine. The striking points are at either end of the the rolled up periodical. If you strike with a brisk upward motion under the attacker’s chin, snapping the head back, in 99 cases out of a 100, this is going to be a knock out blow.
While everyday common objects are not as romantic as, say a sword, well you just look for your sword, and I’ll pick up my rock.